Being brave 5 seconds at a time

I love what I do... but there are just some days when being an entrepreneur is so terrifying.

And I love my imagination, it makes what I do possible... it helps me see the things I want to make, it helps me visualize what my customer wants, it helps me "see the future" and prepare for eventualities. 

But I'm realizing more and more that these aspects of my imagination are a double-edged sword.  Yes, my imagination can help me visualize, but it can also take me places where I don't belong (yet), places where I shouldn't go (yet).

Generally speaking, when I let myself skip too far ahead that's when I become afraid. 

This "trap door" became painfully apparent to me when I recently started taking classes at Sandler Training in Wexford.  After my soul-searching experience this week, I came home and was thinking to myself, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

My Sandler coach, Jen (great name :), and I talked a lot about how the fear of success holds a lot of people back.  And I realized, I am totally one of those people!

I'm a one woman show, I do it all... the designing, the making, the marketing, the accounting, the selling, the photography, the inventory, the social media, etc, etc, etc.  I'm busy enough to be busy but not busy enough to be self-sufficient yet... and even now, there are days when I feel overwhelmed.

Sometimes, when I imagine success... it feels a lot like exhaustion and burn out. 

But I keep thinking about something so wise that Jen said to me: "it's all about being brave 5 seconds at a time."  One step at a time.  One step at a time.  One step at a time.  Until I get to where I'm going.

Favorite Thanksgiving Quote

Mutti:  I can still feel me legs.  I need another drink.

"How do you measure a day in the life?"

I live in a world measured in millimeters... tenths of millimeters.  You have no idea how large a millimeter is until you are off my a millimeter... it's an ugly expanse of metal, that extra millimeter.

This small, exceedingly small measurement can be such a pain... or it can be a beautiful region in which to play.

But really, what all this talk about millimeters has really made me think about change... internal change, the small almost imperceptible steps that I take towards myself.

Sometimes they're so small!  So frighteningly small... I feel like I'm not moving at all.  And sometimes they're so large!  So frighteningly large... I feel like I'm out of control.

But any millimeter towards myself is a millimeter that I will take!

And I've been thinking about about the word "relentless" lately.  The dictionary defines relentless as "showing or promising no abatement of severity, intensity, strength."  I think it is a word that I'm trying to embrace... the world is funny place; we all say that we embrace change and intelligence and talent.  But really, those words terrify some people, and in a world full of knock-offs and gimmicks, a lot of people have lost the ability to spot the genuine article.

I'm not saying that I'm the genuine article (although what artist doesn't allow herself to hope such a thing?), but what I am saying is that sometimes it's difficult to tell in which direction I'm walking.

Lately, I find myself deciding to decide for myself.  Relentless.  It's become a small, hopeful prayer in my heart.  Relentless.

Portland Rebuttal

After my November Newsletter went out in which I had written about my frustration and lack of success at Portland's Body Mind Spirit Expo, I received a reply from a Portland resident.  She urged me to not give up on Portland's residents.

And I would like to write here: I haven't.

My time in Portland may have been brief, but it was wonderful.  And not only that, I could tell that a lot of the people in Portland appreciated the work that I had taken with me.

I just felt like I was in the right city at the wrong event.  I simply needed a crowd that was a little more "fine art" and a little less "new age."  Nothing against the Expo folks, they were super nice and friendly and insightful, everything a group of open-mind people should be.

Like I wrote earlier: just not my venue.  But I do look forward to the next time I can travel to Portland.

Portland Photo Journal

When I got to the hotel and saw the marquee, I know I was home.

Voodoo Doughnuts!

I tried the Mango Tango, the Maple Bacon Bar, and Diablos Rex.

Lan Su Chinese Garden

Sculpture rock, created by the elements and nothing else.

There was a Chrysanthemum show going on at the garden, there were everywhere and completely beautiful!

My booth at the Expo :)