Current Theme Song

"Every Other Way" by BT on These Hopeful Machines

Heart don't fail me now  
'Cause there is no time to waste  
Don't shut me out, we shouldn't wait another day 
I've searched for you, on my heart's high speed chase  
Hear me out, may be the only chance to say  
"Hold me now"
I've said it every other way

Forging Entrepreneurs: a lesson in what it really takes

This past Sunday, I had the great pleasure of attending a SNAG sponsored symposium in Pittsburgh at the Society for Contemporary Craft: "Forging Entrepreneurs."

And even though I learned a great deal (topics of the lectures were diverse, ranging from how to define success to a crash course in 3D printing) and I had a great time with some of my SNAG family, I really feel like the experience has thrown me into an identity crisis as far as my work goes.

Geez, I just got finished telling you that I'm in love with what I do... and now I feel like a hypocrite.  I'm still in love, but now I'm wondering if I have been unfaithful in some way.

By the end of the day my circuits were so fried I wanted to come home and have a nervous breakdown.  I looked around at what I was making and none of it felt good enough.  It felt like "amulet" was just another label I was trying to impose on myself.  Yes, I am interested in how we use amulets to shape our thoughts and actions, but are fancy titles really that important?  Now I think that all this "experimentation" with my ideas and materials was just another mask I was trying to put on instead of doing the hard work of trying to find my own voice, a distraction rather than a journey.  What am I most excited about creating?  What do I really care about saying? What can I uniquely offer?

Dammit, those are hard questions, and I don't have the answers.  Soul-searching time.

I love working with enamel most of all... molten glass makes me feel like a bad ass.  And I have to admit, I really (really) enjoyed taking a hammer to that stained glass... I never get to break things, ever.  To break something in an act of creation felt really contrary and freeing.

I love symbols... I'm really Jungian in that way.  I believe that symbols help us make sense of our world, but I've been too hung up on the idea that my audience has to know and understand the symbols that I'm using.  The one luxury I'm afforded as an artist is that I don't have to explain myself... so, I am going to stop explaining my own symbology.  It's personal.  If you really want to know, you can ask.

The things I really care about making aren't the ones that have fancy or expensive materials... I like unique stones, I like getting dirty, I like feeling a connection to the earth.  The things I really care about making are the things that are about the journey, about the hard-fought steps and the simple, unadulterated, solitary triumphs.

I feel better.  Thank God.  That's a decent start.  Let's get moving.

I'm In Love With You

I don't just love what I do... I am IN love with what I do.

My work is the one aspect in my life for which I have infinite patience, infinite excitement, infinite curiosity... infinite everything.  In this area of my life, I feel powerful and whole.

This is not to say that I have no fear.  Every day that I'm in my studio, making the things that I envision in my head, I face the questions that scare me: why am I making these things?  Where should I look for my customers?  Will I be able to support myself with the work of my hands?  Am I good enough?

But here's the thing: if there's no fear to face, no change to embrace, where's the challenge?  What's the point?  I promised myself a long time ago that I am going to be the hero in my own life.  And the absolute truth is that I'm happiest when I'm learning things, and by choosing this path of "artist" and "entrepreneur," I have infinite opportunities to learn and grow.  If I flop, it's on me.  If I succeed, it's on me.

My destiny is in my own hands... I'm in love with what I do.